Obscure Adjectives and Color Swatches

Blogishness

2008-08-31T04:27:23Z

I come from the water..... I do! REALLY!

2008-08-29T12:46:55Z

Ok. I was going to write a review of sorts of The Toadies show last night, but horrble bullshit happened (Really Jade, horrible bullshit? To you? Nooooo, never!) and I didn't get home until around midnight. And I was exhausted from the weeping. SO!! Toadies review tonight. And it could very possibly be on my new blog. YAY!

A little note on it beforehand... IT WAS AWESOME. I need more adjectives to describe its fantasticalness. YES!

wonderful

2008-08-27T16:10:15Z

So my mom tells me about this job with the post office as a mail sorter. Making 15 bucks an hour to start. So now its down to this: doing something I love for a small amount of pay vs. doing something i will hate for lots of pay.

head vs. heart battle.

i don't know what to do.

Upgrade

2008-08-26T17:12:47Z

Been checking out free web hosting sites and i think i found one i really like. .... sooooo, i think i'll be moving my blog to there. I think this will be reserved for personal bitching i need to get off my chest. Also i can practice my vauge skills. i have an HTML editor so they can take they're templates and shove them right up their ass. haHA. So soon i'll have a nice lil' blog. YAY.

FINALLY getting the hang of the drawing tools in photoshop. I drew a bunch of sea creatures in various hats. Yep. its great. Working on an seahorse at the moment thats being a bit of a pain, but i'll get it.

I have to take josie to the doctor now, she's sick. So MOOORE work missed. BUT if they give her what they gave juliet (she's not as bad as jewels was) she should be just dandy at the end of today. I'm using today to get some stuff done, going to pick the certificates for the childcare assistance thing up, since I STILL havent gotten them. Since i have to go to the doctor in zachary anyway...... i'll get the daycare to sign it and i'll bring it back to clinton on my way home. there. done. finally.

so new project, trying to get the website the way i want it is going to be a challenge. Good practice though. i've been meaning to learn more about the whole website design thing anyway, so i will be forced to. coolie.

Ouch......

2008-08-25T04:04:37Z

......that's what my emotions feel like. Had fun with justin this weekend. Mostly. Saturday night we got drunk and rode scooters up and down the road. Today was a lazy sunday. Laid around with the kids, listening to the rain through the open window, drifting in and out of conciousness.

Of course when he was bringing me home it all blew up. I don't know what the fuck happened. He was just angry at me. (His dad is in ICU. maybe that was what it was.) And i got recited a long list of things I said or did wrong this weekend, more like assaulted by words, which resulted in myself with my head between my needs crying uncontrollably and screaming at him to stop. But then its over and he's sorry and i'm sorry, because we both said things we didn't mean, because the past year has been nothing but stress and we've fallen into a bad pattern. Where now its ok to point fingers and yell and say horrible things. And the rest of the day i'm on the verge of tears. And now my mom is being a total bitch. Don't know what the fuck i did. I just got here.

I need somewhere to run. Someone's shoulder to cry on. But of course, I won't let my guard down enough to do so. Will I ever?

Here's the real question. Is it necessary? I want to be strong enough not to need anyone.

Maybe i'll work on that tomorrow. Next week will be filled with positive thinking.

But tonight, i will bestow tears upon my pillow, i'm quite sure. Because I hurt.

A friend left me this comment on myspace.
"Jade – a gemstone of unique symbolic energy, and unique in the myths that surround it. With its beauty and wide-ranging expressiveness, jade has held a special attraction for mankind for thousands of years."

It made me feel a bit better. If your reading this, thanks. lots =)

artsaves46_2 @ 2008-08-22T15:30:00

2008-08-22T20:45:45Z

So gonna see Hamlet 2. fo' sheezy.

so hopefully this weekend goes better than the previous time i stayed with justin. He has a job so that should help. I think i'm going to request some alcohol, just because it's felt so necesarry lately.

I can almost se how its going to go. He'll pick us up. He'll smile and ask if i brought my contacts. I'll say yes. He'll tell me i look pretty. I'll look at him and smile. He'll ask if i'll put the contacts in when we get back to the house. I'll say yes and stare at the floor. because he hates my glasses. because "i look so much prettier with out them, they hide my beautiful eyes". ok. i can dig on that. i'm going to ask if he can buy me some alcohol. he'll ask why. i'll shrug and say because i feel like drinking. he'll say i need to stop trying to run away. i'll get angry and stare out the window.I'll tell him i'll pay him back tomorrow. He'll say it has nothing to do with the money. I'll shut up and want a drink.

Hope i'm wrong. which i could be. everytime i expect him to act a certain way, he doesn't.

But i get to go to work tomorrow. Mass amounts of work to catch up on.
Juliet is feeling much better. coughing like 60% less and hasn't had fever all day. and she's being playing. thank you antibiotics.

oh, random people who think the following is a compliment.... no. i do not look like Amy Lee or Kat Von D. when you say this to me, i tend to think your retarded. I would be flattered if i resembeled either one of them. but i don't. so shut up.

Answer machine poetry

2008-08-22T04:43:38Z

something i left on my friends answer machine

Sitting in the living room alone
in a fuzzy blanket
scared
i need someone to tell me a story
keep dialing digits
but no one will answer the phone
and if you care to know
i will be up very late

artsaves46_2 @ 2008-08-21T18:09:00

2008-08-21T23:27:25Z

ok, back to the doctor today, and wow, he really examined her. listened to her chest for more than two seconds. and his conclusion. Sounds like she's got broncitis/phenmonia on her left side. wonderful.

Sooooo antibiotics. and a trip to the walmart pharmacy that took 3 hours. How long does it take to pour liquid into a bottle? not three hours. but whatever. we actually had fun. we ran around the toy section for an hour and must have set every noise making toy off. walmart employees hate me.

so hopefully jewels will be feeling better...... she's still running fever.....and she feels awful. don't know if i'm making it to work tomorrow. this sucks. i have a doctors excuse, so i don't really know what they can say. i'm pretty sure my boss isn't going to be an asshole because my daughter's sick. but you never know.

I have the house to myself tonight, everyone is sleeping at my step grandparents. So not complaining. Just really bored with no one to talk to.

arrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

2008-08-21T12:15:11Z

no work AGAIN today. bringing her back to the doctor. she's really sick. my poor little love. She doesn't want to do anything but lay around. my mom is picking up my check, but i dont' even want to think about the work that piling up. i'm going back to sleep until 8.

Summer Time Treats

2008-08-21T02:58:11Z

Sitting on the porch

breathing the humid sticky air

physical memory of the rain just past

Watching insects slam themselves into the light

Thinking how closely it resembles the human condition

I am searching for inspiration

waiting

nothing

an emotion welling up

one of the unwanted kind

it wants to tell a story

About this girl

she can't figure anything out

she second guesses everything that comes out of her mouth

She is clumsy and awkward and generally without grace.

Her clothes are often ripped because she's careless

her hygiene sometimes lacks because she can always find

better things to do than wash her hair.

She can't quit smoking although she's not addicted

she just loves it

She's obsessed with her own physical perfection

but not enough to strive for it

She speaks and waits to be judged

she's more insecure than she wants to admit

she wants to be strong

educated

witty

classy

she loves life

she hates living

a walking contradiction

She loves to hard

to deep

clings to tightly to people

faithful

loves to listen

to watch

to help

yet never seems to be able to

knows that the list that she views as her faults

might be what makes her

she gets real low

and get real high

and smiles to much

laughs at inappropriate times

walks around with running commentary

going through her mind

is never around paper when the truly great words come

she's just filled with obscure adjectives

broken thoughts

lots of rambling

and its always topped off

with a slice of lemon and a cupcake.

Hurt.

2008-08-20T20:11:20Z

I have things i want to say to people.

~I don't want to argue anymore. Can we please get through one weekend without fights? Stop trying to get me to see it your way all the time. I see it your way. I just don't agree.

~you are mental relief. You make me feel better. Wish we could hang out more.

~your one cool guy. I find you WAY amusing. Hope to know you better.

~you need to send me my cd's. I'm eaten up with anticipaton. You better do it before you go off playing with bigfoot. Or else.=p

~i try not to call you. I try. Because i still care about you even if you don't . I hope life turns out ok for you, i wish you all the best. But i don't need friends that don't think about anything but themselves. Sorry.

~i don't suck. I'm just forgetful. You should know i'll always care about you. Don't be an ass. And don't act like your not hiding me from your significant other also.

~Leave me alone. Its not a shame that i don't believe in god. I'm so tired of your self rightous attitude. Your not better because you 'have jesus'. Besides, i'm in a better mood than you 80% of the time and i don't have jesus. You forget where you came from apparently. My children are not going to suffer because i don't believe in fairy tales. You can fuck right off with that shit.

~i don't tell you how i feel because i can't handle it. It's hard to see you like this. I hate it because you do. You should know i love you. But i was replaced a long time ago. And you'll never see that. I do appreciate you letting me stay here. But it's not my home. It's your husbands. And everytime we argue, both of you are quick to remind me how little i have. How everything is yours. I know that. So don't tell me this is my home. It's not. The double standard still isn't over. You let him favor his. You won't stand up to defend your's. Why is that? Why have i had to suffer being denied things i asked for all these years, while his got everything handed to them? It's not my fault i didn't have a horrible childhood. But thats how it goes. They get whatever they ask for, do whatever they want with the uttermost forgiveness because they have 'mental issues'. It's fucked up. Thats all i'm saying. I shouldn't get the shaft because i'm more mentally stable. It's hard to start new when you throw my past in my face. 'you are someone else, i am still right here'

Its another one of those goddamn days. This needs to level out. I need to get a grip. I want to hide from everyone. Its raining. The children are sleeping. I walked outside and stood in it, until i was soaked,hoping it would cleanse the feelings.

No such luck. Now i'm just cold and wet.

'Try to kill it all away, but i remember everything........'

No one knows. I've tried to tell a few select people what happened last summer, but i only get paritals out before i can't say anymore. What would they think/say, if they knew, the full degree of it? I can't forget. I'm trying so hard. Certain smells, certain products from the store, going to greenwood park even dishes out a degree of pain.

If people knew.

If they knew about the accusations

heard the screams

saw the scars

heard the sound of cold steel slammed on the floor

while i sat next to it daring him

watched as i lost myself, parts of my mind

until tears were not enough

only a slow steady rythmic rocking remained

heard my thoughts race

as i waited for him to return

with food. Stolen. Because we had to eat

storing the food in an ice chest

plugging and unplugging things

from the extention cord

running from the neighbors house

the windows wide open

fans on full blast

roaches making our home they're own

sleeping in the living room

no longer able to sleep in the bedroom

for the rain pouring though the hole in the roof

my denial

not seeing a way out

wanting to die

not able to abandon my children

three months

no electricity

illegal water

fear

shame

anger

some of it is still festering

i still hate myself for enduring for so long

pathetic

why can't i just forget?

and thats not even the half of it.

Again

2008-08-20T13:25:47Z

No work again today. Juliet is still running fever on and off and even if she wasn't, the daycare isn't going to let her stay there with the way she's coughing. UGH. I really hope my boss understands.

Fall is coming. I'm so ready. Last year when we were in florida, i got like, a week of cold weather. sucked. We went to the beach the day after xmas.

I loooooooooooooove cold weather. not super cold. the kind of cold that makes you wear a light jacket. love it. makes me happy. among other things.

hiding backwards inside of me.....

2008-08-20T04:23:32Z

.......i feel so unafraid. wait. no i don't. i feel terrified.

I think i may be more uninteresting than i care to think about. I become someone else in conversation. Let my logic talk; try to sell my intelligence. And i always feel so dumb. But its not honest. It's not how i really feel. I should be honest with him if no one else. But i won't, can't. Feel so foolish.

I feel.....hurt. Pain. Deeply rooted that never goes away. It settles down, its pushed aside by other things, but it never leaves.

I think i tell myself things so it will hurt less. Or just give myself so fully to logic that i don't allow myself to feel enough to figure what i really want. Because i so don't want this pain.

Pain is misplaced. Not the right word. Its grief. I am grieving. For what might be. Or what might not. I love solitude, but only when i welcome it. I'm a contradiction. I want him to take me in his arms, kiss me and make everything ok. I want to fix this. I don't know how. I conditioned him to be the way he is (to an extent) and now i'm trying to undo what i did and it's much harder. What if it doesn't work. What if i really have become so selfish that i keep pushing him away until he's had enough and he leaves me. What will you do then little jade? I hurt him so much. To keep myself safe.

Bitch.

Sometimes i think that it doesn't matter what i do. I always disappoint someone. Always.

I think i do want to be a happy little family. I think thats what i want ultimately. Maybe i'm just caught up in myself and what i want right now. Or i'm scared to let my guard down. Or something.

Maybe i just don't know what i want. Or in what order. I think that may be it.

I want these things for sure:

Education

Financial Stability

Simplicity and Balance

Justin-the person he really is, not the complicated issues that come with him.

I think essentially i should keep doing what i'm doing. Wait it out. Maybe if we live together again it will be better? I can't even allow myself to ponder it. I can tell people about the things about him that drive me nutts and he looks like an asshole. Sometimes i think it's not fair that i never talk about all the good things.

I was talking about the family thing earlier with someone and i almost burst into tears. We've been through so much together. So much shit. BAD shit. And we got though it. I don't want him to be insecure. I want him to see his potential, seize it and get over the introvert thing. Maybe i just need to get him drunk and out around people. He's like me in that aspect. It makes us both outgoing. And goofy.

Right now, at this point, all i can think about is having a fifth of whiskey in my possession. Feeling it hit my stomach and send out that burn. That smooth mind numbing burn traveling to my brain and making everything comfortable and fuzzy. I need some fuzziness in my life right now.

i miss miss miss miss you. i want all this bullshit to be over one way or the other. i want to plan my life with you. i do. i just cant. i curl up in my bed and cry on a regular basis. your the only one who accepts me as i am with all my faults. you've seen the very worst in me, my mean streak, my violence, my insufferable stubbornness. and you still love me. you think i'm awesome. i couldnt expect that from very many people. thanks for the kind words and the flowers. and the time you gift wrapped yourself for my birthday. i wish i had gotten that on tape. i know i don't say it, but i remember the good times. There sure were alot of those. i'm trying to stick it out. i know it's alot to ask, but be patient with me. please.

Ok back to REAL LIFE STUFF.(bleck)

Took Jewels to the doctor today. They said she has a bad cold. i think they are wrong. He looked in her ear, looked in her mouth for like a second and listened to her chest. thats all. and of course she didn't run fever while we were there. But she did all afternoon. if she's running fever again tomorrow i'll have to take off again. Daycare doesn't want feverish kids. This sucks. i don't know if my boss will be pissed or not. Hopefully he understands. This sucks so much. I'll have to get a doctors excuse, i forgot to get one today. I think i'll also get the daycare manager to write a note saying that juliet can't attend if she's got fever. i don't want them to think i'm bullshitting. i really want to work. really need the money. really want juliet to feel better. she's miserable. so that means so am i.

i need a justin hug.

Writer's Block: Romance!

2008-08-19T14:28:48Z

What's the most romantic thing you have done for someone?

Submitted By kaitosleepz

View 500 Answers

17 years old.
Got a friend to rent a hotel room for a night for me, and i set it up with candles and chocolate and all kinds of good smelling stuffs. Spent most of the day preparing.
Got said friend to bring my boyfriend there, under the impression that there was a party taking place there.

Greeted him wearing nothing but one of his t-shirts.

He was upset that there was no party. REALLY UPSET. Nevermind the effort or thoughts of him. He just wanted to go to a party. A metaphor for my life.

artsaves46_2 @ 2008-08-19T09:16:00

2008-08-19T14:19:08Z

Sick. My kids are sick. Josie has a inner ear infection, so i missed a couple hours of work last week and now, i had to take the day off because Juliet was coughing all night, so hard she threw up twice. Plus she was running a slight fever yesterday, i don't want her to get super sick. Kids still die from phenemonia these days.

So this paycheck is going to suck.

But good news is, I talked to my caseworker and the certificates should be arriving today or tomorrow, so all i have to do is get the daycare to sign it and turn it back in and that should be it. YAY! Then i get to spend my money on stuff that i need to take care of.

First things first. Josie=new shoes; my dog=spayed.
Next paycheck..... hopefully cell phone. that would be great. to have a phone again. wow.

i hope juliet is ok. i hope my boss doesnt get pissed at me. but fuck, what else am i supposed to do?

hello fotos

2008-08-18T22:29:47Z

lots-o-peek-a-tures...... tomorrow..........hopefully.

fitter, happier pt. 2

2008-08-18T18:16:23Z

I did it. i actually got up and went running. SO proud of myself. Cause it sucked. i'm so sore and i really thought i was going to die of exhaustion. I will continue. because i feel mentally better. acting instead of saying. much better.

plus to me, pain=working. so its DEF working. if i can get past the first two weeks, i'll be ok. FOCUS!

Only in dreams....

2008-08-18T02:50:21Z

I had one of those dreams. One of the ones where you don't want to wake up because your so happy, that when you do wake up and realize that it was only a dream it's an instant mood kill. Not that i wake up in a great mood anyway, but this morning was worse.

He came back. We were driving around laughing and ended up at some coffee shop, talking about old times, new times and whatever else was worth mentioning. Just pure fun. I was elated to have my friend back. Here. Around.

Then we went to this little hole in the wall bar (was like a merge of blackies and the spanish moon, i don't know why) and she was there. The three of us were happy. Like really. Everyone was smiling, everyone had what they wanted and we were drunk. He laughed and said, goddamn i'm glad i came back. She and I looked at each other and said in unison, we are too. Then i woke up.

I felt empty. Which is stupid. But i did. Because,as reality overwhelmed me i came to the conclusion that, well, i'm pretty sure, pretty positive, he's not coming back.

I wouldn't.

Fitter, happier......

2008-08-18T02:09:38Z

Tomorrow i start. Getting up at 5:30am. Jogging for a half an hour. no more smoking (except of course, when i'm drinking). i measured myself and i'm going to do it again at the end of the week. and every week thereafter. i really need to make this change. i need to be healthy. so i can stop feeling trapped in myself. i don't feel like me anymore. so here i go. wish me luck. this is hard for me. but i'm going to give it a good try. have to.

interesting test thingy

2008-08-16T16:41:53Z

I got this, from here

~Extraversion..............13

Friendliness...........21

Gregariousness.........18

Assertiveness...........0

Activity Level.........30

Excitement-Seeking.....51

Cheerfulness...........39

~Agreeableness..............90

Trust....................58

Morality.................83

Altruism.................89

Cooperation..............82

Modesty..................92

Sympathy.................55

~Conscientiousness..........13

Self-Efficacy...........2

Orderliness............22

Dutifulness............44

Achievement-Striving...37

Self-Discipline........14

Cautiousness...........26

~Neuroticism................82

Anxiety................68

Anger..................60

Depression.............83

Self-Consciousness.....94

Immoderation...........42

Vulnerability..........80

~Openess to experience.....86

Imagination............83

Artistic Interests.....88

Emotionality...........81

Adventurousness........51

Intellect..............47

Liberalism.............86

ugh. who knew i was so vulnerable? or sad. that saddens me. fuck.

artsaves46_2 @ 2008-08-16T10:29:00

2008-08-16T15:41:33Z

posted pictures on flickr... got the black and white shoot up. not really that happy about it. shit camera. but i salvaged a few pictures from it. i would have much rather used different subjects for it but i have a lack of people willing to get partially naked. so there's that. At least i got the pictures to come out ok.... i acheived the grungy dirty look i wanted..... i mean as in quality, not mood.

Also got a few of the pictures Seth took with my camera (he took 116 in all) on flickr, he's even got his own little set! He's good at it. I've been planning on buying Juliet on of those camera for kids (you know, if they drop it, no, when they drop it it won't break) and i think i'm going to get him one to. He's such a sweet kid. Smart to. He figured out how to work the timer with a quickness.

Made some real progress last night on the (by now) infamous picture. Done very soon.

two songs that are today

2008-08-16T15:19:33Z

If winter ends-bright eyes

i dreamt of a fever,
one that would cure me of this cold, winter set heart.
with heat to melt these frozen tears
burned with reasons as to carry on.
into these twisted months i plunge without a light to follow
but i swear that i would follow anything
just get me out of here.
and you get six months to adapt
then you get two more to leave town.
and in the event that you do adapt
we still might not want you around.
but i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
but i know that that's impossible now.
and so i drink to stay warm
and to kill selected memories
'cause i just can't think anymore about that
or about her tonight
but i give myself three days to feel better
or else i swear i'll drive right off a fucking cliff
'cause if i can't learn to make myself feel better
how can i expect anyone else to give a shit?
and i scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere
just get me past this dead and eternal snow
'cause i swear that i'm dying, slowly but it's happening
and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere
just take me there, just take me there, just take me there
and say, and lie to me, and say, and lie to me, and say
it's going to be alright

Lua-Bright eyes

I know that it is freezing but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis; they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor’s west side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening; by the morning they’ll be gone.

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I get a coffee and the paper; have my own conversations
With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening, by the morning looks like shit.

And I know you have a heavy heart; I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
But me I’m not a gamble you can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening, by the morning won’t exist.

You’re looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
You just keep going to the bathroom always say you’ll be right back
Well it takes one to know one, kid, I think you’ve got it bad
But what’s so easy in the evening, by the morning is such a drag.

I’ve got a flask inside my pocket we can share it on the train
If you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane.

And I’m not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away but the feeling never did
It’s not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is
What’s so simple in the moonlight, now is so complicated
What’s so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight

Stuff!!

2008-08-15T22:24:08Z

Demetri Martin.I love this guy. Alot.

He's got some stuff on this website. It's Will Ferrell's website. wonderful.

Also this is weird. i like it though. cause i'm a giant dork. thats right. got it?

Subject:Subject:Subject:Subject:Subject:

2008-08-13T17:50:04Z

Been listening to KLSU the past couple of days, which, alot of it, most of it, is seriously fucking weird. Like someone said aha! staticy noise, random jingling and words whined and yelled randomly = music. NO.

However, i think i may have found a band i like. Colour Revolt. Heard the song 'Mattresses Underwater" this morning. i likes. More investigation is in order. these are the lyrics on which i was diggin.

There are places
Some of us can't face yet
And even though we see it
We just swear God's sleeping
So we say,

"Ash to ash, dust to dust,
We're all gonna die so we have to
trust in something"
But it's probably nothing
There's gotta be something

Now we mean it in our homes where we're sleeping
We call it mattresses underwater but the gutters are seeping
So we say,

"Ask and ask and we'll return
The same favors till its our own turn"
We got ash in our pockets and dust in the urn,
Another forty years for you
And yours to learn

Love was made like a ship at bay, never to see waves
We'll probably all crash anyway

When we see it we don't believe it
We've got our faces made for smiling, but we are weeping
We got ash in our pockets and dust in the urn
Another forty years for you and yours to learn
You say, "all you ever talk about is dying and it's getting so old"

And we say, "love was made
Like a book or a page just ripped out but we never read anyway"
And you say "love was made like a ship at bay never to see waves"
We should probably get used to it, but we don't

Now I see it...

She's got her hands in her pockets and she's walking around
She's got a face made for smiling but she's making a frown
She says, "all you ever talk about is letting us down
If you ever see me dying, just put me in the ground"

Awwww. i like.

One of the reasons i never get work done: ONE MORE LEVEL

I constantly feel like i'm searching for something, swapping from the tv to the computer; seeking some sort of digital comfort perhaps? Sitting in front of a blank screen hoping for some obscure adjectives to invade my cranial recesses. Uninspired. longing for the best stimulation i've ever had. it's been terribly long. My little universe fruits are calling again.

There is this tree across the highway from her house, in the middle of a field, that i can't stop thinking about. Next time i go over there i think i need to go touch it. Maybe it's magical!

Tonight i'm going to start figuring college stuff out. classes and such. ugh. sigh. shiver. fret. will maybe post a list of classes and such. if i feel like it. which i will.

3 soundgardens and 4 the doors songs equals...

2008-08-12T17:41:15Z

possibly the start of a good day? So far so good. I've been super productive today and yesterday and i'm hoping to keep it going.

Justin has a job. At a cabinet shop. Starts tomorrow. Keeping a level head about it. Lets see how he does.

*this is your chance, don't fuck it up, i'll hang in there, but if you fuck this up, i don't know how much more i can endure........ i can't wait forever love*

Have decided i'm going to start getting up earlier and go running. I have got to get this weight off. Been stuck on me since josie and it's time to start doing something about it. Tired of feeling gross. I made the most awesome spinach, mushroom and cheese omelete for breakfast this morning. lots of goodness. i really should start cooking again. i need a friend who likes to cook and we should get together and make a feast. i'll supply the food!! or, rather, the louisiana government will.

So in other news i should be receiveing a package this week from my 2000 miles away friend... new musics for my earses. By his recomendation. weird how after all these years this guy is still stuffing music in my face. Awesome though. Havent been able to talk to him much, just an email here and there telling me i've not been forgotten. So we should have music reviews soon. something to write about. I want to do something this weekend, but i know not what there is to be done. so there that is.

Ohhhh yes. I got some decent pictures from the lil' photoshootish thing we did saturday night. Three megapixels is still shit though.Hopefully i'll get those on my flickr and possibly some on my DA soon. Uploaded a crapload of pictures to DA. Everyone loves the blueberries. Of course. It's an awesome picture. Ah, the wonders of Macro. I'm also going to start working on a deviantart ID for myself, since the wonderful photoshop is MINE bwahahahaha! and i'm going to finish the picture........ soon... forcing myself to work on it alittle everynight...

i was supposed to do that last night, but we got some of the schools supplys for juliets daycare and one of them was a crayon box, and i promised her we'd decorate it so, we did. fun fun. love that kid.

k. back to work.